Ending the Stigma Through Catharsis
Aren’t we all lost in this chaotic world that we don’t even know where we’re heading? Aren’t we all a little numb from the things that unexpectedly hurt us? Aren’t we all too busy making a living that we really forget how to live? Or are we just being passive about what life heaves at us and accept everything?
These past few days, I admit how rhapsodic and helpless I am. No, I was. It’s like my mind left my body that sometimes I don’t even know what I am doing every day. All I know is that I am exhausted. Physically, emotionally, socially, and psychologically. Living, for me, is a total asthenia. It has been roughly 3 months of my second year in med school and sometimes I feel like I can barely make it to second semester. It has stressed me out to the point that I lost track of my goal. I even forget why I still go to med school because it seems like I have been attending classes to just take a loadshit of exams and pray that I pass everything regardless if I learn something or not. I am not pointing out how stressful med school is and can be, but generally speaking, life, in reality, has always challenged us in ways we never imagined. Agreed? Agreed.
So why am I really writing about this (prolly nonsense blog for you) when in fact no one would care? I don’t know. Maybe I can stand up and vouch for the people who might be in the same despondency as I am in, who think that their life seems to be a derisory.
I am an ENFJ-T, a protagonist. My personality test showed that I am 79% extroverted, 59% intuitive and 63% tempestuous in how I show confidence in my abilities and decisions. My family and friends see me as an aplomb human being who seldom experiences vexations and/or anxiety. I am a happy person, I can even crack jokes at random times and make people laugh, I am a social butterfly, and I easily make friends with a lot of people. Which leaves me with no choice but to not blame them for thinking that I can do everything, I can be happy with anything life throws at me, or that I can turn any situation better because that’s how they see me – that’s how I do things for them. But this blog marks my catharsis. I need to let it all out, because if not, my heart and mind would explode.
Remember how depression has been a big joke for most of the people? There even had a time when Joey de Leon made fun of someone and insist that depression is self-inflicted. He also “encouraged” his audience to stop supporting depressed people because they are the ones who decided to go through depression. But when famous personalities experience depression and suddenly commit suicide, it seems like people receive a reality slap which make them take this matter seriously when it’s too freaking late.
To take things earnestly, let me cite information from Kaplan and Sadocks Synopsis of Psychiatry regarding depression:
“Edward Bibring regarded depression as a phenomenon that sets in when a person becomes aware of the discrepancy between extraordinarily high ideals and the inability to meet those goals.”
“Silvano Arieti observed that many depressed people have lived their lives for someone else rather than for themselves. He referred to the person for whom depressed patients live as the dominant other, which may be a principle, an ideal, or an institution, as well as an individual. Depression sets in when patients realize that the person or ideal for which they have been living is never going to respond in a manner that will meet their expectations.”
“Heinz Kohut’s conceptualization of depression, derived from his self-psychological theory, rests on the assumption that the developing self has specific needs that must be met by parents to give the child a positive sense of self-esteem and self-cohesion. When others do not meet these needs, there is a massive loss of self-esteem that presents as depression.”
While this might be overwhelming, it gives us the idea that depression has a set of common denominator: failure to meet expectations, helplessness, and low self-esteem. Many people, may they have different personalities, might be going through stuff that most of us wouldn’t understand. Some of us might currently be in a position where we feel a sort of inferiority complex. Some may also feel like they have never done enough in life and some might be seeking for people’s approval and assurance.
Personally speaking, I have been having a hard time to figure things out for myself and how I would survive each night fighting against my self-destructive thoughts. I always overthink things, and it’s normal for me to be over conscientious so I can’t disappoint anyone including myself. I have not had seek any help because I’d always choose to be busy with med school so I can divert my attention (which is obviously not healthy BUT I really try hard to cope with this crisis, as I talk to my mom and pray to God that He gives me strength).
(gaaaah. I know this is such a disorganized blog post but whatever)
I am neither a Psychologist nor a Psychiatrist to dig deep and share facts about depression but one thing I can do is to encourage everyone to offer their 100% support not only to those who are depressed (clinically or not), but also to those who are pessimistic, self-doubting, lost, indecisive, and self-deprecatory. Be it spiritual or emotional support. Do anything that can make them feel that they are worth it, that they are doing great with their life, and that they are enough. Most of the time, the little things really matter. Tell them compliments, show them love, and allow them to realize that there are far more things to enjoy in life. There’s more to life than those facebook bumptiousness, instagram grandiosities, and other people’s uppitiness. Let them realize that they will always have their support system especially their family and friends. Never belittle their feelings for it is real, serious, and unsettling. Nikita Gill once said, “Everyone deals with unimaginable pain in their own way, and everyone is entitled to that, without any judgment. So the next time you look at someone’s life covetously, remember, you may not want to endure what they are enduring right now at this moment, whilst they sit so quietly before you, looking like a calm ocean on a sunny day. Remember how vast the ocean’s boundaries are. Whilst somewhere the water is calm, in another place in the very same ocean, there is a colossal storm”.
And to you who have been struggling to live, I know you have been through hell. I know what you are currently feeling and how you’ve been fighting hard. It will never be easy to take a leap and free yourself from the things that give you a hang in life. All of us are fighting our own battles but know that you are strong, amazing, perfect, and exceptional just by being exactly who you are. Life is never a matter of race. It will always be a about the pace you’re working on. Little by little, you will figure things out and learn why God has made you stronger. I know you’re so close to giving up but there will always be strength within you even when you feel weak. God has His plans for each of us, and what He is giving us requires patience, focus, determination, preparation and commitment. God will not fail us. So stay in the course and keep believing. You are loved. I am sure you will survive this. You are amazing. Every piece of you is just perfect. :)
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up”
- Galatians 6:9
Let us end the stigma. Let us all be brave for there is much to dare!